Caught up in the busyness of life, it can be all too easy to let intentional time with our spouse slide by until we realize that it’s been too long since we’ve had a deep, uninterrupted conversation with them. In this article, Kristin Demery highlights how some intentional planning can help you refocus and reconnect with your husband and shares 52 date night ideas to get you started!
Hey, wanna go in the hot tub?”
Looking up from my cozy perch on the couch, I survey my husband. Mug in one hand, he runs the other hand through sleep-roughened hair, waiting for my response. It’s 6:23 a.m., and as I catch sight of my well-loved robe and bare feet, I can’t help my rueful smile. No makeup, no fancy hair or heels—this doesn’t look like the kind of date I imagined as a little girl.
But with a grin, I quickly agree. Turning on the microwave to reheat my coffee, I quietly pad upstairs for my swimsuit. Minutes later, I’m ensconced in 104-degree heat, sipping my coffee and chatting quietly with my husband while the sun’s rays top the trees in our backyard.
For some reason, I assumed that date nights would get easier as my kids got older. And in some ways, that’s true. We can now leave our oldest daughter in charge for a few hours while we eat dinner at a restaurant or watch a movie at the theater. But what’s become a lot harder are the everyday connections I once took for granted; the ones that happened after the kids were asleep and we had a couple of hours to watch a show or doze off on the couch.
A Quieter Love
You’d think that after 15 years, the romance would have worn a little thin. And there are days when it does.
But rather than the grand, sweeping gestures I’ve seen in all the rom-coms I’ve watched over the years, I’ve learned to appreciate this quieter kind of love. It shows up for impromptu Saturday morning coffee dates when our kids sleep in or lunch together on a day when we’re both working from home. It happens when we intentionally make dinner or let our kids play a little extra Roblox so we can watch a movie together. It’s steady. And it’s intentional.
Over the years, I’ve realized that I need to be just as intentional to connect on a daily and weekly basis as I am in planning occasional vacations or fun overnights. If you’re searching for fresh date inspirations, a little planning can go a long way.
CREATING A JAR OF 52 DATE NIGHT IDEAS
One year, I gave my husband a date jar—one of his favorite gifts. Inside a simple Mason jar were 52 wooden popsicle sticks—40 were the regular size, and 12 were oversized.
On each of the smaller sticks, I wrote things my husband and I could do together at home each week. Although there are many ideas listed online, I tailored them to things we enjoy—mainly food, traveling (although our date-night ‘traveling’ was virtual), and movies. Most ideas were free or cost very little to create, were simple to set up, and could be completed after the kids were in bed, or while they played in another room of the house.
Some of our at-home ideas:
- Scrabble and takeout
- Making homemade pizza together
- Marathon of “The Godfather” trilogy
- Star-gazing
- Exercising together (we went for a stroll)
- Candlelit dinner after kids were in bed
- Trading massages
- Watching sports together
- Rewatching each other’s favorite movies
You can also include some spicy ideas—like taking a bath together—although you might want to hide those popsicle sticks from your kids. Don’t ask me how I know.
Each of the 12 larger popsicle sticks included ideas for once-a-month dates that required more planning, cost a bit more, and possibly needed a babysitter.
Some of our going-out ideas:
- Taking a painting class together
- Murder mystery night (locally, there’s a B&B that hosts them)
- Visiting a comedy club
- Going on a dinner cruise
- Reenacting our first date
- Eating wings and playing trivia at a local restaurant
- Getting a couples’ massage
- Visiting a live sporting event or concert together
I’ve realized I need to be just as intentional to connect on a daily basis as I am in planning vacations or fun overnights. If you’re searching for fresh date inspirations, a little planning can go a long way.
INTENTIONALLY SCHEDULING TIME
When I created our date jar, we had three small children and rarely left the house, but over time, those efforts to connect developed a habit we’ve continued over the years. Now, there are a few ways we consider dates when we look at our schedule.
Weekly Date Night Ideas
Though we don’t always use our date night jar, we find ways to connect through shared interests every week. My husband loves CrossFit while I’m a book nerd, but a couple of things we can agree on are a love for action movies and reality TV. At least once a week, you can find us curled up on the couch, watching a show, and trash-talking (in a very Christian, loving way, of course). We’ve also participated in a “rose league” together—think fantasy football, except you are choosing contestants on “The Bachelorette” rather than football players—and regularly snack on charcuterie and wine together while watching “Top Chef.”
Even if something you both enjoy seems out-of-reach on a regular basis—like traveling, for instance—consider ideas to bring traveling to you. Come up with a bucket list of places you’d like to visit. Spend time budgeting for a ‘someday’ trip. Or feature a travel-themed date night at home, like London Night, New York City Night, or Italy Night. Watch “Under the Tuscan Sun” and eat lasagna and tiramisu for Italy Night. Savor macarons while watching “An American in Paris” or “Julie & Julia.” Serve up New York-style pizza or bagels as Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan find one another in “You’ve Got Mail.”
Monthly Date Night Ideas
I typically plan at least one out-of-the-house date each month. If leaving the house isn’t an option, consider what you could do at home to make something feel special on an ordinary day. For instance, you could eat dinner outside if you live in a warmer climate, have a picnic in the living room, or eat by candlelight. Have a game night that appeals to both of you—whether it’s card games, video games, or board games.
Another idea is to consider taking a class online or via Zoom. I love at-home cooking classes. The ones we’ve taken are taught by a former “Top Chef” contestant who is live and available to answer questions via our computer screen, and we’ve made everything from pho to croissants. Since the classes usually start later in the evening, we feed our kids an early dinner, send them downstairs to watch a movie, pour a glass of wine, and wait for the class to begin. It’s always a fun experience.
Quarterly Date Night Ideas
Several years ago, my sister told me she and her husband scheduled an overnight date once a quarter. Even though I wasn’t married then, I thought that was a great idea. I love the opportunity to drive to another part of the state, stay overnight in a quiet hotel, eat food I didn’t have to cook, and get outside to enjoy the beauty of God’s creation.
Consider other options if a hotel or B&B—even a local one—isn’t in your budget. Could you have grandparents stay at your house with the kids while you stay at their house overnight? Could friends take your children overnight so you can have a staycation? Do you have a friend with a cabin or other dwelling who would let you stay during the off-season at a reduced cost? Ask friends for more ideas; you may be surprised by their unexpected suggestions.
REMEMBER TO STOP AND REFLECT
At the beginning of the year, my husband and I consider how the previous year went, what we want to focus on as a family, the commitments we have, and the things we’d like to do differently. Pausing to reflect gives us the space and time to dream for the future. It’s also a great time to consider whether we’ve prioritized time together lately—and, if not, how we can adjust the schedule accordingly.
Caught up in the busyness of life, it can be all too easy to let intentional time with our spouse slide by until we realize that it’s been too long since we’ve had a deep, uninterrupted conversation with them.
And, in the minutiae of life, we can focus more on what’s going wrong—the problems and small fires we have to put out daily—rather than remembering the things about our spouse that drew us to them in the first place. That’s why, once a year, typically around our anniversary, we go through our “Top 5” lists: things like our “Top 5 vacations,” “Top 5 restaurant meals we’ve eaten,” and “Top 5 memories of the last year.”
Focusing on the good helps to remind us that though marriage can be challenging, a little intention can help us refocus and reconnect with the one we love.
This article originally appeared in
THE REJOICE ISSUE
of The Joyful Life Magazine
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