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‘Faithing it’ not Faking It: Loving Others When It’s Hard

  • Abigail Wallace
  • October 12, 2022
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“They don’t feel like me.”

I was wearing the fitted jacket with the ‘clean lines’ and ‘flattering fit’ and matching tailored trousers when I said that. The suit did not feel natural on jeans-and-tee me.

Some little girls love to dress up, but I was not one of them. Dressing up fancy made me feel fake. Fast forward 20 years, and my sister waited outside the fitting room days before my first job interview. “Professional and feminine,” she said. So out I walked with clothing much fancier than me.

That suit looked good, but it didn’t feel like me. Sometimes I feel just as fake when I wear love: “And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony” (Colossians 3:14).

When I smile at someone who hurt me, it feels awkward. When I stop and listen to a friend while my own list is a mile long, it feels unnatural. When I use soft words to correct my boys even though they know better, it feels strange.

It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel natural—fake it till you make it. I love how C.S. Lewis put it in “Mere Christianity”: “Do not sit trying to manufacture feelings. Ask yourself, ‘If I were sure that I loved God, what would I do?’ When you have found the answer, go and do it.”

Here’s the thing: When we try to love like God, we’re not pretending to be someone we’re not. We’re growing up into who we are. Loving when we don’t feel loving isn’t hypocrisy, it’s maturity.

Sometimes loving others might feel as fake as my pants suit. But loving when it’s hard is not fake. It’s the essence of faith. It’s becoming who we are. It is ‘faithing it’, not faking it.

How can you ‘put on love’ today, even if it feels fake?

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Abigail Wallace

Abigail is a Bible teacher and writer whose greatest joys come from helping women grow strong in their faith as they learn to see through their "hard" to the loving hand of God. Abigail lives in a little house in the big woods of Wisconsin with her husband and two sons. She loves to stalk sunsets, walk with friends, and mark all over books as she reads. Sign up for more soul-strengthening, biblical encouragement at AbigailWallace.com or follow her on Facebook or Instagram.

22 comments
  1. Mina says:
    October 12, 2022 at 5:49 am

    I LOVE this word Abigail!!! I needed it- in an awkward pants suit type of way.
    And it’s so true that if we try and love like God- NOT FAKE!!! Ironic right- a pants suit for our flesh suit 😉
    God cannot be out-loved!!

    Reply
    1. Abigail says:
      October 12, 2022 at 6:49 am

      Mina! Those pesky flesh suit; they are not so becoming on us. I suspect I’ll be stripping that one off till the last day. And then…JESUS face to face!

      Reply
  2. Brooke Johnson says:
    October 12, 2022 at 5:50 am

    Definitely a great reminder to start my day!

    Reply
    1. Abigail says:
      October 12, 2022 at 6:50 am

      Thank you, Brooke. I needed it too.

      Reply
  3. Kat Silverglate says:
    October 12, 2022 at 6:19 am

    That quote is brilliant! … when you have found the answer, go and do it! Faithing it! Thank you Abigail.

    Reply
    1. Abigail says:
      October 12, 2022 at 6:52 am

      Yes! Lewis didn’t pull his punches. And he lived it too, so many years with Warnie and Mrs. Moore.

      Reply
  4. Ana Adler says:
    October 12, 2022 at 6:52 am

    I love this: Loving when we don’t feel loving isn’t hypocrisy, it’s maturity. And It is ‘faithing it’, not faking it. Oh my, did I need this today!!! Thank you I love it.

    Reply
  5. Abigail says:
    October 12, 2022 at 6:54 am

    Thanks, Ana. I need this reminder ALL THE TIME. Love often does not feel “natural.” But it is the right thing!

    Reply
  6. Jossalyn says:
    October 12, 2022 at 7:06 am

    Thank you so much! i love this and needed this ❤️ faithing it and that comment loving not feeling natural but the right thing I love really an inspiration to my start of the day!

    Reply
    1. Abigail says:
      October 12, 2022 at 7:14 am

      Thank you, Jossalyn. God calls us to it and he gives us grace to do it; growing up into Jesus.

      Reply
  7. Teresa says:
    October 12, 2022 at 7:36 am

    Thank you Abigail for this challenging reminder! “Loving when it’s hard is not fake, it’s the essence of faith!” ❤️

    Reply
  8. Abigail says:
    October 12, 2022 at 8:08 am

    Thanks, Teresa. Glory to the God at work within us.

    Reply
  9. Lisa says:
    October 12, 2022 at 8:30 am

    This is true. We are called to love even our enemies. Pray for those who hurt us. I struggle to love sometimes, when my kids are throwing tantrums, picking up after my family, or when I’m just tired. It takes a lot of humility besides. When that feels “fake,” I know it’s time to repent and ask the Lord for help. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

    Reply
    1. Abigail says:
      October 12, 2022 at 6:48 pm

      Thank you, Lisa. Yes! It sure does take a lot of humility. And our God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble.

      Reply
  10. Lila Diller says:
    October 12, 2022 at 8:31 am

    Yes! Love is a choice! You can fake a feeling, but you can’t fake a choice. I shared this on my IG stories!

    Reply
    1. Abigail says:
      October 12, 2022 at 6:46 pm

      Wow! Praise God! He is good. Thanks for sharing.

      Reply
  11. Cora Bushey says:
    October 12, 2022 at 8:44 am

    “When we try to love like God, we’re not pretending to be someone we’re not. We’re growing up into who we are.” I love this! We love because He first loved us. And I also got to contemplating that there have been many dear people who have loved me well when I have been difficult to love. So thank you for sharing, Abigail. What a beautiful reminder and one that I needed today.❤️

    Reply
    1. Abigail says:
      October 12, 2022 at 6:51 pm

      Thank you. I am blessed by your humble perspective. Yes, that is the truth. I can be pretty hard to love sometimes and despite myself, I am loved. “While we were still sinners…”

      Reply
  12. Traci Weis says:
    October 12, 2022 at 7:56 pm

    Ah the words that stood out!
    Doesn’t feel like me. Awkward. Unnatural. Strange.
    …and yet…
    “When we try to love like God, we’re not pretending to be someone we’re not. WE’RE GROWING UP into who we ARE.”

    And growing up involves some discomfort / awkwardness / unnaturalness / strangeness.

    If it feels this way, you’re probably doing it right. (Fav phrase from my counselor)

    Reply
  13. Abigail says:
    October 13, 2022 at 10:49 am

    Traci, thank you. This is such a mindset shift isn’t it? Or to think that when we’re doing it right it just might feel odd.

    Reply
  14. Hannah F says:
    October 13, 2022 at 5:58 pm

    The admonition for me came in the phrase, “when I use soft words to correct my boys even though they know better…” There have been some hard days at work lately, with students doing things that, I think, they know they shouldn’t do. I’ve found myself becoming less soft in addressing them. I need to heart and speech softened and trust God to do what needs to be done in their hearts.

    Reply
    1. Abigail says:
      October 13, 2022 at 6:18 pm

      Thanks, Hannah. Yes, my gentle voice is not my natural voice. It is my supernatural, Christ-in-me voice. Love on!

      Reply

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