It is often the small but intentional acts that help us gain traction during the dry season of marriage. If you are looking for ideas for how to reconnect with your spouse, but find there is no time for a date night and no money for a weekend getaway, check out these 5 simple ideas to rekindle romance in your marriage from Michelle Flaningan to get you started.
Our culture says that feelings of love are the basis for actions of love. And of course that can be true. But it is truer to say that actions of love can lead consistently to feelings of love.” – Tim Keller
On our wedding day, I never could have imagined there would be seasons of winter in our marriage. The future was bright with this man by my side. I would conquer being separated from my family and friends by 1,100 miles because I had this new love!
Then the sunless, boring days came. The days when I missed my family and grew weary of carrying the laundry basket across the apartment complex to the laundry room. Ten years in, we had three sniffling noses to wipe, a busy schedule to keep, and—although we were now living closer to family—two full-time jobs and a house to manage.
THE IMPORTANCE OF ADVICE FROM OLDER COUPLES
There’s a reason older couples advise the newly married. They know the glitz and glamor of the wedding day will soon fade and day-to-day life will wear on that sweet couple. Life gets busy, responsibilities become overwhelming, raising a family can be exhausting, and before we know it, we are doing well just to make it through the day. Thinking of what your spouse might want or need can seem like one more thing on your to-do list. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought: When we get this done, I’ll focus on our marriage or Maybe we’ll have more time to invest in us when the kids are older.
But the truth is, we aren’t promised tomorrow. Proverbs 27:1 says, “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.” So when the marriage slump happens and you’re looking for a way out, it can be the simplest things that get you on the path to making each day together count.
Over the past 26 years, my husband and I have been fortunate to receive some helpful, practical advice from those who have been on the road of marriage much longer than we have. If you are keen to connect with your spouse, but find there is no time for a date night and no money for a weekend getaway, check out some of these easy ideas to get you started.
These simple ideas aren’t going to fix all of your problems, however they may be just enough to open the door to better communication, bring back fond memories, or add that little spark you were missing.
5 SIMPLE IDEAS FOR HOW TO RECONNECT WITH YOUR SPOUSE
1. Go For a Walk
In spring, the trees begin to bloom and the smell of fresh-cut grass wafts through the air. It’s the perfect time to take a walk together—even if it’s around the block—to capture the sights, sounds, and smells of the season. If you can’t get time for a walk alone, take a drive together. If your kids are little, plan for it during their nap time. Even if the family is all together, there may be moments of silence when the kids fall asleep in the car. My husband and I used to pretend we were all alone in the front of the van when our boys would quietly look around or fall asleep on a drive!
While you are out, be sure to refrain from discussing any hot button issues or the kids. I know this is difficult from personal experience! Purpose to spend the time focusing on each other. Ask about his workday, how his time with God is going, or how you can be praying for him.
It is often the small but intentional acts that help us gain traction during the dry season of marriage.
2. Plan a Date Night In
It’s not easy to coordinate a night out with small children! Lining up a sitter, feeding the kids before you go, and then actually getting yourselves out the door can be challenging.
One of my favorite date nights was the ‘after the kids fell asleep’ date. We would feed them dinner, bathe them, read a story, and then one of us would help them to bed while the other stepped outside to order our favorite take-out food.
By the time the kids were asleep, the other would be back with dinner and had selected a movie or TV show to watch. Of course, we heard little footsteps on the stairs and had to pause for a potty break here and there. Yet, even with a few minor distractions, by the time we went to bed I had unwound from the day and enjoyed some quality time with my husband.
3. Write a Love Note to Rekindle Romance
Who doesn’t gush at finding a sweet note? So often we go through our days assuming our spouse knows how we feel about them, but it never hurts to let them know one more time. Take a few minutes to write your husband a love note. Thank him for taking care of you, tell him one thing you love about him, or just tell him how much you love and appreciate him. A bonus (if you have time) is to include his favorite candy or snack.
Planning the contents of the note and picking the place he will find it is almost as much fun as seeing his reaction when he finds it.
4. Wear His Favorite Perfume
My husband and I dated long-distance when I was in college and he was in the military, stationed hundreds of miles away. When he would come home on leave, I would wear a particular perfume on our dates. After I graduated and we got married, I wore the perfume less and less. When our marriage encountered a season of extreme busyness, I remembered this advice I had received from a friend and got out the perfume. My husband noticed the familiar scent right away! Such a simple gesture, but it was a romantic gesture that brought back a lot of memories for us both.
5. Purchase an Item He’s Been Talking About
Recently, my husband purchased a mini desk fan for me out of the blue (because I’m at that hot flash phase of life!). When the Amazon box came, I honestly thought I had placed an order and forgot about it! But when I opened the box, imagine my surprise when it was a gift for me!
A couple of months later, It was my privilege to return the favor and purchase something for him out of the blue. I enjoyed the look of surprise on his face when he realized the Amazon box was for him this time.
This one might take some intentional listening. If your husband thinks your eyes glaze over when he talks about the tool or gadget he was checking out at the home improvement store, make a mental note. Next time you are out and about or tap on your online shopping app, pick one up for him. Choose your moment to give it to him and let him know you were thinking of him.
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Marriage isn’t always easy, and there are days when it’s just plain hard. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. These five simple ideas for reconnecting with your spouse aren’t going to fix all of your problems, however they may be just enough to open the door to better communication, bring back fond memories, or add that little spark you both were missing.
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9 comments
Another great read Michelle.
Love this!
Thank you so much!!
Thank you, Donna!
Walks, sitting outside on our porch swing, and spending time together in the evenings are our favorite ways to connect. We will sometimes discuss problems on the walk, but we usually focus more on having fun and enjoying one another.
It can be difficult to only focus on the walk sometimes, but so rewarding to just enjoy each other. A porch swing sounds so relaxing! Love this!
We are recently retired and spending more time together. It’s the perfect time to re-connect and really spend quality time together. We both love gardening so we start our day walking through the yard checking out the flowers with a cup of coffee in hand. He loves to give me the background of each plant so I’m striving to be a better listener…lol.
Thank you for the lovely reminder to spend time with our spouse.
Debbie B.
How cool that your husband knows so much about plants! This is such a good idea and great that you both enjoy gardening so much. Congratulations on your retirement!
O loved tese ideias. Thank tou so much.