
No matter how old our boys may be, it’s never too late for a mom and son date! In this article, Marnie Hammar shares 46 fun mom and son date ideas to help you foster connection with your boy, no matter his interests, and make the most of your special time together.
We’re bumping over the railroad tracks, heading to his soccer game, when my almost 11-year-old recognizes the spot. I’m distracted, focused on getting to the right field on time, when he exclaims, “Mom, that’s where you took me on the train!” I look to my left and see the beautiful bridge, rusted just enough to be charming but not creepy, and am snapped back to that special moment. It was one of our favorite mom and son dates.
A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE
Five years earlier, at this spot, we were sitting on bales of hay on the open-air car of this storybook train. The black engine, with its charming red painted trim, whistled our arrival at the bridge, as we clacked slowly through sunlit foliage. The trees waved their oranges and yellows at us, and my heart soaked in the wonder I saw on his face. The rhythm and hum of the train, the fresh air, the magical bridge, the golden leaves reaching for our shoulders—it was a moment we’re both transported back to this very minute.
As I drive, he’s looking at the tracks and the bridge and back to me, waiting to see the recognition on my face. I feel it, too.
I didn’t know until that day, on the way to soccer, that our time on that train all those years ago would connect our hearts this way. When we began those dates, we didn’t know how those hours would tuck themselves into our hearts, laid and layered like stones in a foundation. Yet, five years after our mom and son train date, here was another connection, born from that open-air car and that clackety bridge.
HERE’S YOUR PERMISSION TO NOT BE PERFECT
Now, you need to know this: My family is not a shining example of doing this mom and son date thing perfectly. We don’t have everything figured out, basically ever. We have plenty of nights of, “Oh, wait, what are we eating?” And we have more days of pulling dirty clothes from hampers to complete the soccer uniform than I care to admit. We don’t always get along, and I still don’t understand why these boys eat ice cream in the bathroom or play outside in socks.
My family is proof that connection isn’t saved only for perfect moments in perfect families. Connection with our sons is not hinged on perfection. Rather, fostering connection lies in this simple formula: time + effort. That’s it. As you consider how to integrate regular one-on-one time with your son, please hold close these encouragements:
1. There Isn’t One Right Way
Schedule dates ahead of time, or don’t. Plan big outings or keep it simple. Whatever works for your family is what’s best. In our years, we’ve swung the full pendulum in our approach. For a season, we enjoyed rotating monthly dates, based on our boys’ interests and ages, keeping to a relatively set schedule. Now, we’re in a season where we watch for opportunities to seize last-minute moments, like a special hot chocolate and movie night when we discover only two of the five of us will be home that night.
2. It Doesn’t Have to Be a ‘Big Thing’
Mom and son dates shouldn’t be a stress. If figuring this out feels big and overwhelming, think smaller. Think about one afternoon next month when you could grab a couple of hours with your son, and then think on what he might enjoy. For our family—as our boys spend more time at work and activities, or with friends—finding one-on-one time takes more intentionality than when they were little. But even simple, unexpected windows, like grabbing an iced coffee together, can minister to your son.
3. It’s Never Too Late
No matter how old your son is, you haven’t missed it. Be intentional and watch for times that might be especially meaningful for your son. Is your son walking through a rough time? Has your family calendar been especially busy and a timeout over pancakes or milkshakes might help? Is there a circumstance that calls for celebrating or encouragement? Watch for the need and be open to the opportunity, even if it arises at midnight on a Thursday (and honestly, why are teens so chatty after our bedtimes?).
It needs to be said, there is a point at which you will no longer be allowed to call them dates. Because, in the words of my 14-year-old, “That’s just weird, Mom.” If your sons are at that stage, just know in your heart it’s a date, but in theirs, it’s free food, and that’s enough.
HOW TO PLAN YOUR DATES
Here are some guidelines to help you with planning:
1. Study Your Son For Ideas
What energizes your son? What are his current interests? Is he outdoorsy or is he into video games? Does he need to have a ball in his hand or would he spend hours building legos? These are all clues for the kind of date that would minister to his heart. Some considerations as you plan (and see below for some ideas to get you thinking):
- Ask him to teach you about something he’s interested in.
- Hop on Groupon or your favorite coupon app to see what experiences are available in your area. This is how we’ve found out about concerts and circuses and Lego events and Ninja Warrior tryouts that we might not normally know about.
- Google museums and sports complexes and activities in your area—you may land on some new things you’ve not known were close by. For example, in my city we have a sign museum. Yes, an entire museum for neon and vintage and retro signs.
- Invite your son to plan the day or evening with you. Ask him what ideas he has for outings, and what fun things he might have heard about from his friends.
- Consider a simple outing. Perhaps a day at the park with a blanket, a packed lunch, and board games, cards, or a soccer ball will facilitate more connection than a busier day together could offer.
2. Decide on a Rhythm That Works For Your Family
You get to define what your rhythm looks like. For some families, it might work well to set a schedule, for others it might work best to seize the moment. We’ve done both. For a short season, planning ahead and scheduling monthly dates worked well. On the first of the month, we picked the day, and as the week approached, we planned the date together. But now, because we have more activities and commitments, we look for ways to seize the moment instead. If I take one of my sons to a soccer game, I might surprise him afterwards by taking him for a special “order whatever you want” breakfast.
3. Capture the Moment.
When we started our mom and son dates, we didn’t have a lot of other commitments on our calendar. Each boy had a journal where he wrote down the memory of our date, either with our help or independently. But as they got older, and our outings became less scheduled, we just snapped a quick selfie. Remember: Going on dates with your son shouldn’t add stress! Do whatever works.
4. Always Include Food.
Always. Enough said.
On mother-son dates I can set aside my exasperation and confusion. I can soak in the wonder and awe and magic of my son, and simply enjoy being his mom.
Marnie Hammar Tweet
46 FUN AND CREATIVE MOM AND SON DATE IDEAS
So, are you ready? Below are some ideas meant to inspire you and get your mind going. But remember this: You know your son best. You have the best understanding of his own unique interests and passions. And you know how to balance what your family can commit to and what environment will allow for the best ways to connect with your son. Trust your gut for what will work best for you and your son, and then settle in to enjoy the time with him.
For the Gamer
- arcade
- ask him to teach you to play his favorite video game
- build a Minecraft world together
- watch YouTube gamer videos
For the Intellectual
- problem-solving board games
- play chess
- unique museums
- browse the library or a local bookstore and choose books for each other
- explore local historical places
For the Adventurous
- axe throwing
- escape room
- go-karting
- rock-climbing walls
- paintball
- frisbee golf
- putt-putt
- set up an obstacle course
- scavenger hunt (check Groupon for one in your area)
For the Outdoorsy
- nature centers
- visit the zoo
- hiking trails
- geocaching (google for your area)
- canoeing, kayaking, or tubing down a local river
- skipping rocks and playing in creeks
For the Athlete
- attend a professional, regional, or college baseball/soccer/football/hockey game
- go to a high school game
- training camp visits
- sports-centered museums
- virtual reality sports games
- couch dates with takeout for that special game
- tours of and visits to professional fields
- driving range or golf (consider an afternoon tee time for a newer golfer)
- learn a new sport together (e.g. pickleball, tennis, racquetball, etc.)
For the Engineer
- escape room
- plan a Lego build together
- look for local Lego events
- visit construction sites
- find museums with displays of model cities or train displays or architectural models
- sign up for a local coding camp
For the Preschooler
- live shows for specific characters or TV shows and movies (e.g. Marvel, Disney, Nick Jr., etc.)
- dress up in costume together and go to dinner or a movie
- look up DIY kid projects and hit Home Depot for supplies
- paint anything together
For the Arts and Music Lover
- local and community arts and theater events
- high school drama and concert and band events and competitions
- take music lessons together
ONE LAST THING: HAVE FUN
Mom and son dates are a time to just be together. Hold these times as space for him to be who he is. Refrain from teaching or instructing or disciplining (oh, how I’ve been tempted to use that uninterrupted time to discuss infractions, such as the afore-mentioned ice cream in the bathroom situation), watching instead for ways to encourage, observe, and just enjoy him.
1. Encourage Him
Approach your time with your son as a way to pour into him and cheer him on. These uninterrupted times are a chance to build him up and tell him you believe in him. Tell him what you love about him and where you’re seeing him grow. Speak blessings to him. Look for opportunities to show him that you see him, value him, and treasure who he is.
2. Observe Him
As you share a meal or enjoy an activity together, watch how he makes decisions. Try to gain insight into what drives his choices and how he approaches problems and risk and fun. See him for how God created him to be—and perhaps you’ll glimpse part of his purpose in your family.
3. Enjoy Him
Oh, how these boys of ours are wired so differently than their mamas. Though I will never understand why they need to test their strength and force on each other in the aisles of Target, on dates I can set aside my exasperation and confusion. I can soak in the wonder and awe and magic of my son, and simply enjoy being his mom.
As you create a plan for time with your son, I pray that you and your son will feel the connection that comes from both the sweet times spent together, as well as the lasting bond that those shared memories will build.
What is a particularly fond memory you have of a time where you took intentional time to be one on one with your child? What are some of your favorite ideas for a mother-son date? Share with us in the comments!
Want more from Marnie on raising boys?
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9 comments
So GOOD! We’re all about fostering father/son connections, but mums need boy time, too!
Michele, I know you know! And yes, mamas need boy time too, and isn’t it totally different from dad time?? Thank you for your encouragement — I love learning from you.
Thank you for this article. Though I have two daughters, it truly opened my eyes to spend intentional time with them in this season of their lives, that Saturdays are not solely for cleaning out the house. To listen and be sensitive to those fleeting moments they open their hearts to us, to reveal that they want our time and attention.
Oh, I love this — yes! What a gift, right? To invite them into conversations in new places and while doing unexpected activities is a refreshing way to enjoy them and hear their hearts! Lord, I ask that you would bless the intentional time Sohani sets aside to listen to and build new memories with her sweet girls!
I took my 5 year old on a “big boy hike” to enchanted rock before he started kindergarten. The difficulty of the hike was stretching for us both and we had great conversations about overcoming hard things and talking about things that scare us (thinking of kindergarten in the future). It was so memorable and bonded us in a sweet way.
Thank you for this article and encouragement to date our boys and spend that time blessing them, becoming learners of them and enjoying them. I am sharing this with all my boys moms
Natalie, I love the “big boy hike” and how you used it as a lesson before kindergarten. How sweet! And I’m excited for you to spend time “learning” your son — I’m still doing that with all three of mine. Enjoy, and thank you for the encouragement. Praying your boy mom friends feel encouraged, too!
So good! Thank you so much these practical ideas and guidance.
Avril, I’m so thankful you took something away from this. It’s such a gift to be part of raising sons, and I love the adventures with them! Enjoy your time together!
I love how you organized the ideas by the child’s personality/interests. Such a wise momma! Though mine are grown now, I still think these principals apply and I will definitely draw on your ideas in my new gig of grandmomming!