The Search for a Calling

“Mommy!” the little voice calls beside my bed, abruptly waking me from a deep sleep. My daughter is waiting to snuggle, which is a joy, but also slightly cringe-worthy at 5:30 a.m.

All the parenting experts, podcasts, and blogs suggest waking up before your kids in order to start your day in a peaceful and calm manner, ready to serve them as they wake up. But this has never been a remote possibility for me. No matter how early or how late bedtime is, my daughter inevitably rises early. For so long, I resisted and fought against the reality of my little girl standing in front of me each morning, too bright and too early. Many mornings were spent urging and pleading for my girl to go back to sleep. Many more mornings were spent uttering curt words in a less than kind tone. Once I gave up the idea of her sleeping in, we fought to at least keep her in her room until a ‘proper’ hour.

I prayed and prayed that God would change these early morning wake-ups. Simultaneously, I was praying for God to show me His calling in this season of motherhood. I was certain there should be something more to it than the early morning wake-ups and long days of staying home with my little ones. Was I supposed to carry on with my teaching career or turn my writing into a job? Did He want me to be more involved in church programs or ministry in some way? What ‘else’ was God calling me to—right now?

As I lived out my days with a restless heart full of complaints, I realized I was missing the obvious calling that God had placed in front of me—to be a mother to the three beautiful children He had blessed me with. But how exactly I was supposed to carry out this calling of motherhood was less obvious. The decision to work outside our home or not was a constant battle in my heart and mind. I could never seem to stop myself questioning whether I was doing enough for Christ. All this searching and questioning, wondering and looking beyond the role of motherhood had me focused on the wrong thing. I was focused on what else instead of what HERE.

The truth is, my calling begins every morning at 5:30 a.m. Embracing my calling is doing my morning Bible reading while my kids play at my feet, and it’s carried out through the daily task of picking up cheerios. My calling is lived out in learning my neighbor’s name, and dropping off a meal for a new mama. My calling is found in my church community, at my child’s school drop-off, in my neighborhood, and within the walls of my own home.

My calling is to say yes to the people and opportunities God places right in front of me, instead of seeing it all as not enough. It is to see that this life here is my calling instead of waiting and pushing for something more.